MEMORIES OF A DIFFERENT DAY
MEMORIES OF A DIFFERENT DAY |
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By Bonnielynn Marie Margaret daughter of Delores May
Don't Rush Me :
You can run but never out run the Memories of Another Day
I received report on my new patient a G5/P4 delivered the day before
she was informed just days prior she has stage 4 breast cancer that had spread through out
her body.
The days are long but then for some they seem short.
Miles of memories came flooding back of my Pediatric Oncology Nursing days,
and the faces of all the people, children I let go into deaths abyss raced towards me.
These days are limited at best, as there are no words to say when everyone knows
someone faces certain death.
Echos, " don't forget me Bonnie," " take care of my parents " , " Jesus came to show me the play ground so I would not be afraid, you afraid Nurse BonnieLynn?" " Go out and live for me Bonnielynn see everything"
Marjan:
A hug in the middle of a the busy walk way in a huge teaching hospital as my dear friend Marjan approached me her once beautiful face now covered with huge fungal sores, as she was on experimental treatment in a last hope to save her life.
I met Marjan when I first came to Florida, she was to train me in Pediatric Oncology medicine, she was organized beyond any nurse I had ever met, and very loving with everyone she met. I fell into her huge brown eyes, and became her loyal friend.
We worked many cases together and everyone loved her, as her kindness was her perfume, we held hands often, in prayer, and laughter as my silliness amused her greatly.
The Cancer doctors, all the worlds best loved Marjan too, because it was easy to love her due to her kindness and generosity.
I worked with her for two years and then went on to the PICU, the educator overseeing eight hospitals.
But I was still just " Bonnielynn who ran for miles each day after hospital rounds.
The news came that Marjan was sick, very sick with a rapid cancer that ate away at her body, and the cancer doctors did everything even developing their own protocols to save her.
She stopped working, and for a short while I did not see her.
Then:
We walked into our last life embrace, she whispered, " remember how beautiful I once was Bonnielynn, remember me that way, don't let people forget me" . I held her frail body close as I nodded, how could I tell one of my best friends ever, that I would miss her forever. The hospital asked me to speak at her memorial, as thousands stood in attendance I told the story of Marjan one of the best Pediatric Oncology nurses. we let free thousands of butterfly's in the garden named after Marjan.
This is still really hard
Last year I returned to the hospital and asked to see Marjan's garden area, and was shown into a sun filled garden respite area, I smiled, " Marjan, no one has forgotten you"
She is better than you and yet you still live :
These days are long
whispers, " Bonnie Girl" as the day is long so is the love Jesus gives us for this world, do not be afraid, be brave when brave is all you have left"
Don't go Mum, not just yet.
Bright light fills the room and I cannot look upon it, I bow my head, " all of this I planned for you, I am always with you, do not be afraid" I was eight, and I knew, I would be a healer.
The Baby Catcher: as I move towards what I see, how many infant's lives have I saved?
I sleep " Dear Lord I am still not tired yet"
Take my eyes so I might see
make my hands strong for the long days
let your voice guide me Lord
and I shall listen.
Protect all I love Lord is all I ask
Rubbing my eyes as the memories flood in
I enter the patients room
I touch her, her body is indeed ill,
that of an elders,
how can I tell her
" Let go of your fear, let go of your doubt, the Lord's Angels stand before you, look up into his love'
She grieves the life she thinks she is losing, because no one speaks of Faith,
you cannot love the Lord more than this world.
She is lost and dazed in the cold diagnosis
my hands feel her cold,
I tell her my own story of Prayer the day my son was born,
I tell her be strong in the Lord, for all good healing comes from him
Medicine knows not God's heart.
She has not slept for days,
I ask the Lord for her rest,
I checked on her deep in the night
she slept deeply, my hand touched her forehead
I ask for this peace for this woman Lord who is lost.
Bow down on your knees with your head down,
here comes the Holy Ghost
the Redeemer of all life.
Heed his will
his words
Bow your head
the days are long with out Faith.
YOU HAVE TO LET GOD HEAL YOU
DO NOT LET YOUR FEAR OUTLIVE YOUR LIFE.
IF YOU SAY YOU BELIEVE THAN LET GO AND BE HEALED
It's not hard but it feels cold :
I often think I do not deserve the memories I have been given .
I hike the cliffs
I pray for the forgiveness
I have not yet earned.
All the days I should have been
of a helping hand
I spent thinking of an foolery
I can do better
and I will
I wake
and I know
Don't Rush Me :
You can run but never out run the Memories of Another Day
I received report on my new patient a G5/P4 delivered the day before
she was informed just days prior she has stage 4 breast cancer that had spread through out
her body.
The days are long but then for some they seem short.
Miles of memories came flooding back of my Pediatric Oncology Nursing days,
and the faces of all the people, children I let go into deaths abyss raced towards me.
These days are limited at best, as there are no words to say when everyone knows
someone faces certain death.
Echos, " don't forget me Bonnie," " take care of my parents " , " Jesus came to show me the play ground so I would not be afraid, you afraid Nurse BonnieLynn?" " Go out and live for me Bonnielynn see everything"
Marjan:
A hug in the middle of a the busy walk way in a huge teaching hospital as my dear friend Marjan approached me her once beautiful face now covered with huge fungal sores, as she was on experimental treatment in a last hope to save her life.
I met Marjan when I first came to Florida, she was to train me in Pediatric Oncology medicine, she was organized beyond any nurse I had ever met, and very loving with everyone she met. I fell into her huge brown eyes, and became her loyal friend.
We worked many cases together and everyone loved her, as her kindness was her perfume, we held hands often, in prayer, and laughter as my silliness amused her greatly.
The Cancer doctors, all the worlds best loved Marjan too, because it was easy to love her due to her kindness and generosity.
I worked with her for two years and then went on to the PICU, the educator overseeing eight hospitals.
But I was still just " Bonnielynn who ran for miles each day after hospital rounds.
The news came that Marjan was sick, very sick with a rapid cancer that ate away at her body, and the cancer doctors did everything even developing their own protocols to save her.
She stopped working, and for a short while I did not see her.
Then:
We walked into our last life embrace, she whispered, " remember how beautiful I once was Bonnielynn, remember me that way, don't let people forget me" . I held her frail body close as I nodded, how could I tell one of my best friends ever, that I would miss her forever. The hospital asked me to speak at her memorial, as thousands stood in attendance I told the story of Marjan one of the best Pediatric Oncology nurses. we let free thousands of butterfly's in the garden named after Marjan.
This is still really hard
Last year I returned to the hospital and asked to see Marjan's garden area, and was shown into a sun filled garden respite area, I smiled, " Marjan, no one has forgotten you"
She is better than you and yet you still live :
These days are long
whispers, " Bonnie Girl" as the day is long so is the love Jesus gives us for this world, do not be afraid, be brave when brave is all you have left"
Don't go Mum, not just yet.
Bright light fills the room and I cannot look upon it, I bow my head, " all of this I planned for you, I am always with you, do not be afraid" I was eight, and I knew, I would be a healer.
The Baby Catcher: as I move towards what I see, how many infant's lives have I saved?
I sleep " Dear Lord I am still not tired yet"
Take my eyes so I might see
make my hands strong for the long days
let your voice guide me Lord
and I shall listen.
Protect all I love Lord is all I ask
Rubbing my eyes as the memories flood in
I enter the patients room
I touch her, her body is indeed ill,
that of an elders,
how can I tell her
" Let go of your fear, let go of your doubt, the Lord's Angels stand before you, look up into his love'
She grieves the life she thinks she is losing, because no one speaks of Faith,
you cannot love the Lord more than this world.
She is lost and dazed in the cold diagnosis
my hands feel her cold,
I tell her my own story of Prayer the day my son was born,
I tell her be strong in the Lord, for all good healing comes from him
Medicine knows not God's heart.
She has not slept for days,
I ask the Lord for her rest,
I checked on her deep in the night
she slept deeply, my hand touched her forehead
I ask for this peace for this woman Lord who is lost.
Bow down on your knees with your head down,
here comes the Holy Ghost
the Redeemer of all life.
Heed his will
his words
Bow your head
the days are long with out Faith.
YOU HAVE TO LET GOD HEAL YOU
DO NOT LET YOUR FEAR OUTLIVE YOUR LIFE.
IF YOU SAY YOU BELIEVE THAN LET GO AND BE HEALED
It's not hard but it feels cold :
I often think I do not deserve the memories I have been given .
I hike the cliffs
I pray for the forgiveness
I have not yet earned.
All the days I should have been
of a helping hand
I spent thinking of an foolery
I can do better
and I will
I wake
and I know