The Hold Out
My love for exercising has been a life long passion
spending a few days getting to know my new machine
pushing myself as usual, laughing off the new identified muscle fatigue.
Remembering," the body is a machine, it requires a daily work out"
How fast the muscle remembers it's one pristine past and easily
How fast the intermediate fasting melts the body down to fighting
Stretching, and hydration to follow, humming, " it's not right but it's ok" , I run
a hot bath, my sauna that allows the body to remove toxins.
oh! now it's a great new trend?
Waking I feel like something has changed?
no it's not the full moon renegade
I think increasing expressing my feelings of gratefulness
although it chases the fearful away from
my Twitter page,
I remember all I had thought I lost
but it was my cleansing
I did not understand
but the reality of the gift
is a kiss upon my soul
as I relax into the Grace of
Does that scare you?
A feeble mind love song plays in
the background as I make coffee
a mournful male moans," I don't want to be alone, does that scare you?"
I laugh skipping the song
is a gift of peacefulness
not understood by the
smirking, " be gone nitwit"
change up the music to
soft jazz, no words
letting the mind's imagination
There are various pieces of art work yet to be hung
but I have not found their rightful place yet
my home is
comfortable trendy fluff with soft places to sit
I adore color of vibrance, and mysterious lighting
Boxes of packed give away clothing stacked ready to
go into someone's life who will perhaps adore them more than
People tell me, " you are being manipulated", as I smile
thinking, " well you can try",
I acknowledge I am different now
thankful I was allowed to grow
I am not a repeat offender meaning
if I did it once chances are I will not
seek it out twice
But if you attribute that to my changing ?
I push out the thought of yesterday
already forgetting the names of
people I once worked with
Because redundancy is the ruination of many
if I drag the past into my future then I only
To Die For
Ironic we both see this in our own dysfunctional
our parents taught us to act like this
we don't listen to each other's feelings
my strength of spirit scares him
his foulness of verbiage gives me pause
we walk away
then return hoping for a different outcome
yet we don't change the communication tools
we use to hurt each other
I recall the words I used to harm him
it gives me an empty echo heart beat
the very person I never would hurt
how did it get to this?
guilt for hurting someone
never thought I would
he doesn't listen
I don't stop yelling at him
pattern dysfunction fly route in continuation
I am aware the Lord would never
agree to my behavior
regardless I am wrong for
this hurts me too
I need to push down the five year old
inside of me always ready to fight
this boxing life that leaves only the mortally wounded.
I look at the only picture I kept of him
he is dressed like a hobo, shaggy
mumbling to himself
does someone answer him?
The New but it's really Used
I enter the hospital with hot tea, that is starting to burn my
fingers through the cardboard
nurses greet me hello and I speak my "hello"
unlocking the office door, with my name with trailing letters
that detail my education,
I feel like a person given this huge
gift to redo my life,
because some of life's gifts
are better celebrated alone
I want to fit in so
I am cautious
adult life is safe
a Monopoly game spin to take your
turn, is my reality of " what space will Bonnielynn land today?"
if it is fear of failing I feel
I like it because I feel alive
" as I wonder down the avenue so confused, guess I'll try and force a smile"